hello! it's been almost a week since my wedding and i had the most magical time. not everything went to plan but thats okay. it started out that morning when i was NOT ready at all for the wedding, i hadnt packed my bag yet, i still had to paint my husbands wedding cake topper, and we were missing a table number 9 sign for some reason that i needed to cut the vinyl for on my cricut, not to mention the 1000 other things that needed done. i was scrambling all morning, thankfully my maid of honor just graduated with their art degree and so they painted the wedding topper for me, but i did not get most of the stuff i needed done. i also didnt have my jewelry because the davids bridal kept my jewelry box that was in my dress bag during alterations so my mom had to pick some up last minute. we got ready in study rooms in the coffee shop next door to the venue and i forgot that there would be kids (the flower girls) there so i didnt get to play my getting ready playlist because it wasnt kid appropriate. but anyway, my makeup artist did a PHENOMENAL job and i looked sooo beautiful and glowy, i need to ask her what she used on my face for the highlighter because ive never looked like that before. but anyway, i loved loved LOVED my dress so much, looking in the mirror was so surreal. usually when i look in the mirror i feel like im bracing myself for inevitable disappointment (either bc of dysphoria or dysmorphia) but when i looked in the mirror that day it was like i braced myself for disappointment that never hit, i looked even more beautiful than i felt. my dress was so perfect for me and the jewelry my mom got looked a-maz-ing! i really felt so connected to my body that day in a way ive never felt. another thing i was worried about was gender dysphoria. being genderfluid, its hard to know how im going to want to present on any given day. throughout the planning process i considered trying to make my outfit more androgynous just in case, but i ended up going full fem and thankfully i felt very fem that day so it worked out perfectly. anyway, walking down the aisle i was so nervous but i remember just looking at my husband and how widely he was smiling at me and i felt so warm and loved. but then i got up to the aisle and handed my bouquet to my maid of honor, i realized that i literally forgot my vow book in the coffee shop. my husband was like "do we need someone to grab it" but like everyone was staring at us expectantly so i had to just say fuck it, we gotta keep this show going. but listening to his vows, i almost forgot how anxious i was about my own. i didnt really think there was anything he could say to make me emotional, we tell each other we love each other every day, but hearing him say that ive made him a better person made me feel so amazing and loved and like i have an impact on people, which sounds silly to say but i really feel very insignificant a lot of times but i didnt in that moment. when it was time to read my vows, i was so emotional from hearing his but i ended up trying to recall everything i could from my vows and giving a VERY abridged version. before i started i said something like "in true wedding fashion, i forgot my vows" and everyone laughed so i think it ended up just being cute, although i am sad i didnt get to read what i prepared. anyway, when we kissed we ended up doing one of those theatrical dip kisses (mainly for pics but also just for fun) which we decided to do literally minutes before walking down the aisle when he called me on the phone and told me to wrap my arms around his neck and, quote "trust me". hopefully7 the pictures came out well bc we kinda did it fast. anyway after the wedding is a blur, we did family pictures and went to a local candy store thats kind of a local landmark, its barely a candy store like it has candy but also vinyls and an arcade so we got some cool pics, the inspo was "hong kong 80s wedding shoot" (iykyk). when we got back though we realized the venue forgot the one thing we requested which was for dr pepper at the bar but the staff ended up going and getting some from nearby which was good because otherwise i was going make my husband do it and i doubt he wouldve wanted that but i was getting my dr pepper after the stress of the day! we did our first dance which felt so awkward because we forgot to do dance lessons so neither of us knew what to do. anyway the reception was amazing, some of my internet friends of 3 years came all the way from another state and we all got to hang out and dance together and it was so much fun. probably my favorite moment of the night was when we had the dj play gnarly by katseye and we were all on the dance floor doing the choreo and my mom was there, and then yoonchae said "jealous of my mansion?" and we all screamed the "Yes!" fancant to the point where my mom got freaked out and was asking us what we did that for LMFAO. the wedding ended up ending like an hour early becauser everyone left by 9 and it was just my family and friends and our wedding party left. we kept the party going as long as we could but im ngl it was pretty empty after a bit. anyway my husband and i went to a hotel after and ate hot wings and watched youtube together, the perfect end to the night. overall, i had so much fun at the wedding and i truly felt so beautiful and loved and it was so amazing to celebrate my love and my family surrounded by all the people who matter the most to us. im also so eternally greatful to my photographer and my cooordinator who made the whole night run so smoothly (for the most part), they went above and beyond and honestly saved my life a couple times. i had so much fun it makes me so sad that ill never get to live it again but ill remember it forever.